the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
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I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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