Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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