You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
