it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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