If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
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