he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
