Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
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