the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
