remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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