OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
