well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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