Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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