I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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