operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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