If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
