I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
