I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
