Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
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If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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