He is such a slut. More and more my type.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
