If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
