this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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