i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
