I wish life had little blips of pornography
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
