Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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