i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
