just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
