Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
