I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Randomize
