I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
