if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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