We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
