I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
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He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
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idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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