So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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