Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Your penis caused this!
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
