You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
