**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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