omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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