whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Someone shit on the floor
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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