Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
