If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
