some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
