We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
