I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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