My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
