oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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