fuck your aforementioned shoe
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
