I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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