Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize