dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
