I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
We're too hungover to prance.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
