is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I wear drunk well.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
