All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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