I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
