he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
