Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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