Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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