READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
