I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
