never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Your penis caused this!
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
