either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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