when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
