we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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