I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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