Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
