wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
