I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Randomize
