This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
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You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
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So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Who put my cat in the fridge?