Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

(847): View more from Illinois

just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.

Fav 19 6379 2058
share tweet
(781): View more from Massachusetts

Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis

Fav 22 4140 971
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(310): View more from California

He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.

Fav 25 9584 1115
share tweet
(610): View more from Pennsylvania

can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?

(917): View more from New York City

what kind of party is this?

(610): View more from Pennsylvania

the best kind ever

Fav 22 8312 1507
share tweet
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(201): View more from New Jersey

I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them

Fav 14 2794 6803
share tweet
(972): View more from Texas

You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'

Fav 22 2584 4857
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(765): View more from Indiana

After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.

Fav 14 2155 6173
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(+27): View more from South Africa

My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.

Fav 3 634 1428
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(306): View more from Saskatchewan

We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped

Fav 0 137 87
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT