im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
