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• (206): View more from Washington

  We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....

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• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us

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• (647): View more from Ontario

  the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.

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• (970): View more from Colorado

  She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.

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  27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!

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• (979): View more from Texas

  Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.

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• (407): View more from Florida

  Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?

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• (520): View more from Arizona

  Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.

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  These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities

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• (308): View more from Nebraska

  I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.

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• (313): View more from Michigan

  You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka

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• (804): View more from Virginia

  for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.

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