1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.