Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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