When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
