I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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