Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
