Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
