I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
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